You may find the friends you had in 2010 are no longer in your life in 2011. And that’s okay.
You should always remember is that people come into your life for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime. If you keep this in mind, you will not worry yourself sick, trying to figure out why a friend suddenly stopped talking to you.
Everyone loves being liked and accepted, let’s face it, we thrive on it. But sometimes, you will not have or keep those people in your life, no matter what you do. Sometimes it’s best to let them go.
Whenever someone stops talking to you, you should never blame yourself for that person cutting ties with you. Don’t worry yourself sick over something that was out of your control. Learn from the experience and move on.
If you have experienced this, which I’m sure everyone has, there are some things you should do to make sure that you don’t get sick over this. These things have worked for me and I’m sure they will work for you.
First let’s look at the word worry.
Worry: To be concerned or troubled; to tug at repeatedly; to annoy; to irritate. Distress or mental anxiety (Webster’s Pocket Dictionary and Thesaurus).
If you continue worrying about why a friend stopped talking to you, then you will make yourself sick. You want happiness and health. You don’t need anything troubling your mind. The mind, body and spirit work together as one and you don’t need anything troubling you and throwing you out of balance.
What you should do.
1. Write a letter to the person – Writing a letter is a good way to add closure to the situation. There is no need for you to mail or email the letter. Read the letter out loud and then tear it up and throw it away. Disposing of the letting helps you close that chapter in your life.
2. Keep your mind occupied – Don’t keep asking yourself why, why, why, because you will never know the answer. Read a book, magazine, watch a movie, or a little television to help you with the constant questions to yourself.
3. Meditate - Take a few minutes, sit quietly and meditate or pray. While you are sitting quietly focus on your breathing and think happy and positive thoughts. You will soon stop focusing on the negative and see the positive reasons why your friend stop talking to you.
4. Exercise – Exercising takes your mind off your situation. You are more focused on getting your body in shape and working up a sweat, than sitting around worrying about why a friend dumped you.
5. Talk to other family and friends – Talking to others will help you stop thinking about why a friend suddenly cut ties with you. You will laugh and have a good time, so much so that you will forget about yourself.
6. Take up a hobby – Do you have a hobby? If you love gardening, writing, sewing, cooking, etc., you should focus on learning all you can about your hobby. Working on your hobby will help you forget your worries.
“A good friend is hard to find, hard to lose, and hard to forget.” – unknown
“A friendship that can end, never really began” – unknown
“Hearts live by being wounded.” – Oscar Wilde
There are many things you can do to stop worrying. You don’t want to worry yourself sick over this situation. Live, learn, laugh and move on with your life. You will understand why, if not today, maybe tomorrow.
But whatever the situation, don’t worry, because you can’t waste your valuable time worrying. Your emotional health is in your hands, take control and don’t let your emotions control you!
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I'm glad you wrote this post. I've been on both sides of the fence with friends. Closure is important and somtimes we have to get closure on not getting closure. Sometimes we have to know when to move on. People grow apart for alot of reasons, but we must always take care of ourselves. Thanks for the positivity Evelyn!
You're right about closure "get closure on not getting closure." You share some golden nuggets in your comment.
We definitely have to know when to move on and realize that it is what it is.
Thank you for sharing your take on this topic.
Evelyn, powerful article. I heard Tony Robbins once talk about 2 types of friend losses. The 1st is when the two of you have a falling out and the friend walks away. The 2nd is when natural things like moving away happens and the friendship is just not fed like it once was (no one's upset, you just have new things happening and there's been a natural distance.)
In his lecture, Robbins had the audience do 1 of 2 things.
1. If you had a falling out, call the other person (ex-friend, ex-lover, etc.) and either talk or leave a message saying, "Hey, I was just calling to let you know that when we were close friends, it was a very special time in my life, and I'll never forget it. I just wanted to thank you for that wonderful memory." And that's it.
and 2. If you just had a natural distance, call this friend and say virtually the same thing. "Just wanted you to know I really appreciated the time we spent together."
It was a pretty powerful lecture and I think a lot of people reconnected with old friends. Well, look at me go. I'll stop. :)
This is some great information that you've shared from Tony Robbins. I think it is very interesting.
I've done both of these things in the past and to this day, there are no hard feelings. What you share really does work.
You're on a roll...don't stop. :)
Thank, Bryan for sharing this valuable information with us.
Hey Evelyn! Cool topic! I agree with you when you say that people come and go into and out of our lives for a reason. So much so in fact, that I started asking the question to myself when I met new people...."why am I meant to interact with this person"? When you find the answer it can be mind blowing! I love that kind of stuff!
I agree with you completely on this..no sense worrying over what gone.
Your tips and quotes on how to deal with this are awesome!
Thank you for sharing your insight on this.
So Much love,
Good stuff here. I have to admit that I'm one of those people who rarely thinks too much about people who are suddenly out of my life. It's not that I don't miss them, but I've noticed as you said above how someone comes into your life, you both hopefully get a benefit out of it, then suddenly they're gone. I always figure they know where I am, and we all get busy and have to deal with our daily issues. Of course, it's a lesson I had to learn, and I learned it from my wife, who has way more people entering and leaving her life than I do.
Your insight is quite interesting. I find that my husband is not bothered at all by people entering and leaving his life. I wonder if it's just the nature of men.
Thanks for stopping by!
Evelyn—Nice post today! I often struggle with reconciling the differences (spiritual, political, environmental, dietary, physical activities) between me and my friends. Sometimes we end up parting ways, but the good ones stick around no matter what.
Good to see you!
You're absolutely right! Sometimes the good ones do stick around no matter what. It doesn't even matter if you differ on certain topics. Those are the kind of friends we to have in our lives.
Very nice post! Exactly worrying over why a friend stopped calling or talking to us does not benefit us in any way. We have got to learn to stop worrying, otherwise, we are hurting our health.
Meditation, exercising are very helpful in reducing worry. What I also like to do is trust that everything happened for a reason and believe that God did this for my benefit. When we learn to trust that God wants the best for us, worry will get reduced and in many cases eliminated. Thanks for sharing my friend! Have a nice day Evelyn :)
Thank you, Dia!
Your suggestions are very good ways to reduce worry.
My friend, I totally agree with you about trusting God and believing that things happen for a reason. You're right, God wants the best for us and we should accept things that happen as being better for us.
Awesome advice, Dia!
I am so excited to have come across your site while reading the blog of Sandra Lee @ Always Well Within. I was very touched by your article as well as other great topics that you have touched upon. Specifically, finding like-minded readers, and how to expand my connections are truly of interest to me right now. The goal and focus of my site is empowering myself while motivating others through light-hearted commentary. Best believe there is a lot that can be learned from you so know that I will visiting your site often. :-)
Not sure how other's are linking their latest blog to their comments, (sorry I am new at this), but here is my site information http://sistaspace.wordpress.com/category/top-five-friday/
Welcome to my blog!
Great! I love Sandra's writings!
Well, I"m glad you're here and I hope we stay connected. It is wonderful finding like-minded blog buddies online. We learn so much from each other.
People love to be motivated and empowered. You can never go wrong in that area. ;)
Thank you and I am very glad you''ll visit often! :)
I offer CommentLuv on this blog and that is how other commentators are linking their posts to their comments. If you are interested in being able to do the same, you can sign up on the website. http://comluv.com
Have a great day!
I used to feel slighted and bitter when a friend stopped talking to me for awhile but then I loosened up, and became less attached. I realized I felt that way because of my ego - i just wanted more attention
As I'ved evolved, people come in go. I have an amazing mentor who told me some amazing advice.
If it's not effortless, it's not meant to be. Love & friendship should be kind all the time, easily flow, respectful, empowering, responsive, and loving. If you don't have these things, you don't have a friendship.
Also, if anyone just leaves your life, can't give you the respect to tell you why or an email you--they were never your friend.
A true friend will always tell you the truth! Will empower you! A true friend will make you responsible for your stuff.
Ask yourself, was that person a true friend? Was I a true friend?
Happy Camping, Love
Yes it really does hurt, but at some point we must move on with life. Learn from it! I've found that people tell you the kind of friend/person they are when you first meet them. If we pay close attention to that, then we can avoid being hurt and waisting our time.
I agree with that Evelyn, I have had so much on my plate and for the person that no longer wants to be my friend because I am friends with her fiances' ex, then she is not a friend. I am sick of making the effort to keep our friendship and if she does not want to talk to me anymore because of this then she is not a friend in my book. Thank you for the posting, it really got me to think.
At some point you just have to cut your loses and move on. I have done this many times and believe me it was not easy. Life is too short to be stressing over why someone won't talk to you. I'd rather not be stressed, than to be trying to figure out why the other person is acting crazy. I know it's easier said than done.
I've learned that people come into our lives for a reason and most of the time it is to teach us a lesson about ourselves. I think that friendships should not take a lot of effort(sounds crazy), especially if it a true friendship. Meaning that both parties treasure the friendship and are loyal participants without wondering about anything.
It takes two to make a friendship work and if one party isn't working at it, then a true friendship cannot exist.
Thanks for sharing!
I know this is an old post, but I'm just coming across it. I recently had my best friend cut me out, and I'm having trouble dealing with it but I found your article helpful. It made me realize that I had learned so much from the relationship.
Do you really think you should not ask a friend who stops talking to you what might be wrong so that you can possibly fix it? It's terrible to not know -- how can that help you grow? I can't imagine how someone could coldly cut someone out of their lives with no explanation unless they have done something truly terrible or dangerous to that other person. It's incredibly painful and puzzling. I could never do that to someone I ever cared about.
It is terrible not to know why someone ended a friendship. I had a friend who stopped talking to me for no reason and I know I did not do anything. I accepted that the person really wasn't a true friend and didn't care too much about me or our friendship. If they cared, they would have let me know what the deal was.
Sometimes, we never get explanations or reasons and oftentimes, some things are better left un-said. I've never cut anyone off intentionally...seems like I've always been the person who has gotten cut off. And I'm not a bad person...I'm actually very giving, kind and helpful. Oh, well I can't stop being me. :)
Thanks for stopping by!
I think you are so right. If the friendship is indeed true and sincere, the friend WILL tell you what is wrong and desire to strengthen and renew that friendship.
However, not everyone is willing to reconcile - we are responsible for our part - that's it. Friendship cannot be forced.
So true!! Friendship cannot be forced. I'm going through something like that now. I've tried on my end, but the person keeps pushing me away. I get the message and I'm moving on.
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for this article. The very same thing happened to me at work with a so called friend whom we used share our problems. Even if i greet her, it feels like she forces herself to greet back. After reading this, i'll never bother myself about her attitude towards me.
It hurts, especially when you know you didn't do anything. But I've come to realize that it could be the other person's problem.
You have the right attitude, because if you know you didn't do anything, then why worry about it. Just do your part by speaking and being nice. That's all anyone can ask.
Sometimes a friend stops speaking to you because they perceive that you hurt them in some way, slighted them, and they need you to ask what's wrong, to show some sign that you care. Since they were obviously hurt by it, they can't imagine you're clueless as to why. It usually happens when we take someone who cares about us for granted. So they aren't trying to cut you off. They're trying to see if you care enough to make the first move.
Thanks for sharing this post with us. I really enjoyed reading it
When it comes to friendship, these two quotes have said it all…
“A good friend is hard to find, hard to lose, and hard to forget.” – unknown
“A friendship that can end, never really began” – unknown
I used to get heartaches for having people, that I thought they were “friends” came in and out for some unknown reasons.
You are so right for saying that we should never waste our time trying to figure, what, why, or if it was our fault when someone just suddenly stops responding to us. And that’s because, you will never get a real answer for it.
One of my acquaintances gave me a very good advice, which I found it very useful and somehow it made me not worry too much about other people. This is what he said,
“...only you are responsible for your own happiness, and other people are too busy living their lives to worry about you...”
Not that I am being self-fish, but I feel like I can move on and live my life better, because of this advice from my acquaintance.
Have a good night everyone.
In Our Life we might have avoided one of our friend's in the same way without a Reason, So its Like Tit for Tat. So if we Again Try to Maintain Relation with the one we have avoided, Obvioulsy the one who is avoiding us will maintain Relation with us.
Moral is when God is Punishing us, He is making us Wise to correct our Mistakes.
hye evelyn, im writing this from Malaysia. when it comes to situation like this, i must say that patient is the bet key and indeed., God will always be your best friend and good listener. thanks for sharing this.i like what you wrote.it helps me a lot since i've been in this kind of situation pretty often (few friends of mine dumped me for no solid reasons) and what i did was, i never asked them why. i just let it be. sooner or later if they need me, they will come back to me.
You're are so right, God is our best friend and is a good listener. Never forsaking or leaving us.
Look it like this, those friends that dumped you, were never your friends from the beginning.
Thanks for stopping by!
Such a wonderful way of puttiing it...I think im losing a dear friend of mine. I feel that he did stop talking to me for positive reasons, it's something I was going to talk to him about (even though I might not get the answers I want). Sure people come and people go but I like to have closure. Always.
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Its a great post by you. It's true people come and people go. You should not stick to someone in a way that hurts you. At each stage of your life you meet different people and you have different friends at different stages of your life. The tips you have shared are very practical and can be of great use. It's not easy to get over it, when someone stops talking to you, but a little practicality can help one overcome it.
Hi Evelyn . It is such an amazing way of putting it .I personally feel that in such a situation we should not take it personally as the person might have some having personal problems . So we must back off a little and leave some space . Moreover we should judge our behavior and should not refrain from apologizing if we genuinely feel that we need to . Wonderful share .
I agree with you. I think personal problems is a big part of why people do what they do when it comes to friendships. If we feel we need to apologize then we should do that.
Thanks for stopping by!
My friend just stopped talking to me. Out the blue!! We have known one another for over 10 years. We have shared our personal business and work business. I asked him on 3 seperate occasions- did i say something that offended you- what did I do wrong- are you okay... I don't get a definitive answer.He say he's working something out, got a lot on his mind. He doesn't give me any eye contact. When I asked a questions, his response is 1-2 word anwers. I feel like he's avoiding me. I'm so hurt. When I see him laughing with other people male or female- It hurts so much. He cut me off and out of his life. He is/was like a brother to me. I need to move on but I don't know how or It's just to hard.
I can understand your hurt. If your friend cut you off, then you know he has a reason for doing so. The signs are there as far as him not being totally open with you about his feelings.
Think of it this way; he did you a favor. It hurts, but after awhile you will get over it. I had a person to do me this way, and I thought I would never get over it, but I accepted that, the person did not want me in their lives. As a result of me accepting this, I was able to move on and not keep wondering if I did something to cause this. Sometimes, people are your friend when it benefits them and when they have gotten what they need, they move on.
Best of the best!
Thanks for this great article. I have a friend who is like a brother who has been dealing with mental issues lately. He is in denial, but his mental condition now has him out on the streets homeless. He's constantly talking to himself and other voices. He has also started to isolate himself from others. This situation has left me devastated. Its hard to see a close friend go down so fast. I try not to worry, but because I care for him I have been trying to hold on to our friendship. I never would have thought that things would get to this place. I was a little down about the situation today, but your article has helped to encourage me very much. I realize that may have to let my friend go. It's hard because people with mental illnesses don't have many people in their lives in the first place (due to the illness, but I feel that I have to look out for myself first and foremost. I hope that I'm not making a mistake. Thanks again for this encouraging article.
The best thing you can do, is to try to get help for your friend. Mental illness causes people to do things that they would not normally do if the illness were not present.
Look out for yourself, but if you can try to get help for your friend that would be a good thing and the least/most your can do.
Best of the best!
Thank you for this article! I'm currently going through this. I had a friend since 1995 who seemed to have cut me off his life and I don't know why. We're living in different provinces here in Canada now; he even visited me once in 2006. After that, we haven't had much contact. A month ago I tried to add him on Facebook, sent him a couple of messages and even texted him, but no response. I feel sad about it - I don't know what I did.
I'm grateful to you for this article. I shouldn't worry about this anymore and just move on. I've learned a lesson to treasure my friends more and be a better friend to them. :-)
Wow, you were friends for a longtime. It is a common reaction wonder if you have did anything wrong. Most of the time, the person who loses the friend, hasn't done anything.
It's hard not to worry and to move on, but overtime you won't give it much thought. New people will come in your life and that friendship you lost want bother you.
All we can do is be a good friend to those who are our friends.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Your article is very consoling.Thanks.
I have a friend who i consider as my sister.We are friends since 8 years. We have had our rough patches and there was a time we werent talking that much due to our differences I had drifted away from her as we used to have a lot of disagreements. Then my boyfriend dumped me I was numb she came around unexpectedly and helped me come out of my pain and helped me move on.Our relation got stronger. We used to meet everyday chat all the time. Knew what was happening with each others lives. We had our share of fights in most of them I used to bend down as I knew how much she did for me. This did affect me sometimes but I let that go as the relation and bond we had was more important for me.Shes going to get married in 2 months and her mother in law passed away very recently. I joined a new job and I tried maximum to be in touch with her. I texted her all the time I am doing this or that so that we keep some interaction and I know shes k. but suddenly she stopped chatting the way we used to. I thought I was just assuming that shes chatting less I thought Il give her time. Whenever I tried meeting her she always had plans. Later she confided that she was going through lots and I wasnt there for her. It felt like I was stabbed. 2 of her friends supported her met her often and she used to tell me she was meeting them but whenever I asked her if she was alright she said she was ok. Now she feels she did so much for me but I wasnt around when she needed me. I asked her when could I come around cuz whenever I asked if I could meet her she couldnt infact she said she wanted to spend time with her mom learn to cook and be by herself. It was difficult to suddenly be away from her but what confuses me is how could I be with her when she always had plans. Now she chats least with me. I miss her and love her. I dont know how we could be normal. I know this is a very long message hope you read this and advice.
You know for almost everything my friend has given me advice now in such a situation i feel whom do i go to..
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Give your friend a little more time and if you still feel she doesn't want to continue being close friends with you, then you should move on.
Communication is the key! If you can speak with her in person instead of texting or phoning/emailing, that would be great, because you can let your friend know how you feel and you will be able feel her vibe better. If your friend is not communicating with you like she should, don't waste your time.
If a person doesn't want you in their life, then don't waste your time trying to stay in their life.
Thank you so much for responding and thinking so much for me.I tried speaking to her but I think there is lot of awkwardness and many misunderstandings between us. She's written a letter to me saying vl b friends forever but not like v were. I miss her n love her a lot.but I guess this time it's not working between me n her.I wish I could do something.
So my friend and also my roommate suddenly stopped talking to me. I have no idea what's going on in her life anymore. she suffered a lot cuz of her ex (long long story) but i was there every time she needed me. of course we had some little fights but we talked them out and everything was fine after all. Few weeks ago I saw her crying...I tried to talk to her but she told me that she doesn't want to talk to me about it and I changed the subject... after that day the only thing she would say to me were hi and what's up...nothing more...I asked her the other day what's wrong with her... she said that nothing its wrong with her... I told her that she seams different and distant...she told me that's not true and that's just my imagination... also when i was talking to her she wouldn't even look at me...when we had this conversation, i told her some of the things i was going through and she said to me "why aren't u talking to your friends"...and i said "cuz I want to talk to you, u r my friend also"...she didn't say anything but we end up talking about very insignificant things and after that we just sit there for a while without saying anything...also i had the impression that she didn't want to talk to me at all...anyways, the things between us r the same as before...just hi and what's up...she doesn't ask or say anything more than that...I don't understand people anymore...
I dont get attached very easily but when i do get, I cant just let it go...cuz i cant...especially without getting some answers...
what do u think? what should I do?
I had a friend of 9 years just dump me yesterday. We met at a job 9 years ago and have both since moved to different jobs but kept in touch.
Although a 10 year age difference exists among us and different standards etc. we seemed to get along. Would always take a trip somewhere in the summers.
My friend had been distancing herself it seemed so I was shocked when this past summer she asked if I wanted to go on a trip to a place I had always wanted to go with her. I thought okay she wants to do this, knows it's important to me, and maybe we can have a good time together.
To make a long story short she seemed annoyed the day we got together to make plans and do our itenirary to the point where I almost said to her if you don't want to do this it is fine but then she seemed excited.
Before the trip I tried to contact her several times, left messages about when is a good time to call me, said I wanted to talk about the tip,etc and she would call back and seem annoyed "We are playing phone tag so I guess I'll just text you." I asked her about driving to the airport together and she said "I will get my own ride." I did convince her that we should drive there together since I hadn't flown in over ten years and it was nervous. Well on the trip her attitude sucked. She slept, seemed bored with everything we did, told me to just take the rental car and do what I wanted she would take a taxi, etcl etc She bailed on going to the attraction that I most wanted to see.
I'm fine to do things on my own but was annoyed because you don't ask someone to do something and then be all pissy about it. It's almost like she set this up to end the friendship but one never knows what goes through peoples minds if they don't let you know their mad at you, etc.
V Have Sorted..u Were Rite All That Was Required Was Communication..
Thanks a Lot :)
All that Matters Is Genuine Feelings Whether V are Together Always Or Not :) That Will Definately Keep your Bond Together :)
I visited this page long back and i thought that i posted my views too, but its not showing here, yes, i do remember there was some problem with the comment box, and i informed about it too via a pvt mail,
I am so glad to be here again these tips are really useful to people who undergo such situation, I am sure this will definitely be a help to many, i am going to share this in my community 'Christian Blog Community; I invite you to join in, i just re-shared the current posting and sure this one too.
Im not sure what to do or how to deal with thngs.. my friend who is a guy use to talk to me day in day out for months.We really clicked and got along great.. well since he got a new girlfriend he hardly at all talks to me anymore.. he just met her three weeks ago and states its true love. So I told him I was happy for him.. I even asked if he didnt wana talk or be friends due to his gf.. he said he wants to stil b friends and talk.. he said his gf knows about our frienship and that shes ok with it.. but again he doesnt bother to talk to me.. I miss our frienship and how we clicked. . He always told me he was happy that I was in his life and that he cares about me.. I feel like he forgot about me and that im nobody to him now.. im trying to keep hope and faith in things.. but its hard when im loseing my friend. Any suggestions?
I don't think your friend has forgotten you. His interests are just elsewhere at the moment and that's okay as well as understandable.
I encourage you to get busy with your life, loving yourself and doing things that make you happy to occupy your time. This will lead to you meeting new people and making new connections. I think that you will not worry so much about him when you get busy living your life. Heck he's living his, so why not live yours. I know it is hard, but always remember anyone that crosses your path or enters your life has a life lesson for you (embrace that).
All the best to you!
I understand completely. . I have been keeping busy to keep my mind focused on other things. It's just I cant get over it specialy when I gave him an outlet.. and he wanted to continue a friendship.. he said he wouldnt bailout or stop talking to me without a goodbye. . Its been a month since we have talked.. im kinda lost on where I actualy stand..its crazy how people forget who their true friends are when they get involved with someonelse.. your articles have kept me calm and made me see things from different levels.. im still overly confused though
You know sometimes people don't say goodbye because they can't stand the thought of hurting the other person or it is simply too uncomfortable for them. Either way this is something that only time will help you overcome. Take care!