I mentioned in, I do what works for me, even if it is unpopular, that I had an epiphany about always lending my ears to others. And I told you that I would publish a post about this topic.
One of my jobs as a coach is to listen. The listening I refer to in this post has nothing to do with coaching.
Do you find yourself drained after listening to others pour their problems into you?
If you answered yes to this question, then keep reading.
Story
I am that person people call when they need someone to talk to about their problems. No, I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or a licensed counselor, but for some reason people call me when they need to talk.
The people who call me are usually associates, friends and family. I don’t know how I got this title, but for some reason people feel compelled to pour their problems into my ears.
Well, the eve of my birthday, I began thinking about this, because I felt tired (mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually). This is also the time, I decided to take a break from Facebook.
The Call
A few days before my birthday, I received a call from a friend I haven’t spoken to in several months. I actually thought she had forgotten about me.
The purpose of her telephone call was to tell me about all the problems she had experienced in the last 3-4 months.
Being the person that I am, I listened and I listened and I listened. When the conversation ended, I was left weighed down in my mind, body and spirit.
Epiphany
On the eve of my birthday, I thought about the conversation. I got sad because I realized that even though I am a good listener, I don’t always get the same in return.
I am a private person and I don’t share too much with anyone. My aunt once said to me, “You are so private and you need to stop that.” Well, that’s just how I am and I have been that way since I was a child. I grew up holding in my feelings because I had no one to talk to.
I am human and I have problems. Just because I don’t talk about my problems, doesn’t mean I don’t have any.
The eve of my birthday was a wake up call. I answered the call by promising myself that I would be wise and discreet about lending my ears to others. Upon making this promise to myself, I felt burdens lifted and clarity about my life.
Related Article: Walk in Your Truth and Stay Authentic
Lending Your Ears to Others Can:
- drain your energy (mind, body and spirit)
- cause fatigue
- burden you down
- cause sadness
- cause depression
- be overwhelming
- cause resentment.
Final Words
If there are people in your circle who only talk to you when they have problems, then it is time for you to re-evaluate your circle.
Be willing to cut your ties with people who only want to pour their burdens on you. No one is a burden bearer. Release burdens, don’t carry them; they are heavy.
The next time you lend your ears to others, ask yourself, “How will this make me feel.” If you know it will make you feel a certain kind of way; don’t lend your ears.
Be wise!
Image courtesy of Imagery Majestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Hi Evelyn,
The truth that you wrote about in this post is something that I painfully learned. I, too, am the one that others call on to share their problems. But, when I need someone to listen and offer sound advice, very rarely is there someone who can lend an ear. I once had to “put the brakes” on a friendship because that friend would always leave me so depleted that I would often feel physically weak and emotionally drained. For my own sanity, I had to pull away from this person. The heaviness was too much! Now, I’m learning to recognize when being a listening ear becomes too taxing. I don’t want to abandon anyone in a time of need. But, at the same time, I can’t allow others to push me to a point whereby I am unable to help myself. Thanks for sharing. I have a feeling that many of us who are “private people” probably deal with the very same thing!
Hi Trinity,
I appreciate you sharing! I can definitely relate. 😉
Have a great week!
Evelyn, that was a great epiphany. We all at some time or another have had people in our lives that are simply takers and never give anything. When we take the time to realize that, that’s when we must take action, if not, we can become angry and the process continues because change hasn’t been made. Great article full of truth!
Good to see you! Your words are so true, Ms. Carolyn!
I fully understand what you mean. I’m pretty much the same… at least I used to be. I got the nickname “guru” because I was able to help people solve their problems, often by not quite telling them what to do but helping them see things in different ways.
What I did was evaluate who the worst offenders were and kind of eased myself out of their lives. I did this by never contacting them first, because I realized it was my trying to keep everyone informed on what was going on with our groups. Once I stopped calling them all the time, they dropped out of my life. Mixed emotions, but it happens.
Good for you; take care of yourself first.
Hi Mitch!
Thanks for sharing how you dealt with this! It is very helpful!